


@tonystank, revoke our kid's internet access

by Usnavi_Heights



Series: The Adventures of the Apoc Squad [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Awesome Laura Barton, But that's Brenda, Clint Barton is a Good Dad™, Clint and Laura Barton's Family, Cute Vision (Marvel), Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Avengers, Except for Brenda, F/F, F/M, Flash Thompson Needs a Hug, Harley Keener as Iron Lad, Human Vision (Marvel), Jewish Wanda Maximoff, M/M, Meme Lord Shuri (Marvel), Miles Morales is Kid Arachnid, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Pietro Maximoff is a Little Shit, Protective Kate Bishop, ScarletVision is everyone's OTP, Scott Lang is a Good Dad™, Social Media, Strike Team Delta, The Young Avengers Initiative, Vision really loves his girlfriend, cause, they start the Marvel Hero Project, why not?, ya know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22615186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Usnavi_Heights/pseuds/Usnavi_Heights
Summary: Social Media Fic! Revolves around the "Apoc Squad" and their adventures on social media...@hawkeye was right, @tonystank needs to revoke their internet access
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Carol Danvers/Loki, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Gamora/Peter Quill, Harley Keener/Shuri, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Kate Bishop/America Chavez, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Nakia (Black Panther)/T'Challa, Okoye/W'Kabi (Marvel), Pietro Maximoff/Ava Starr, Scott Lang/Hope Van Dyne, The "Apoc Squad" & Everyone, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Series: The Adventures of the Apoc Squad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626910
Comments: 2
Kudos: 103





	1. spidey got twitter!

**spooderman** _@spideyofficial_

is, "do you think you'll want this back," an acceptable response when getting stabbed?

**8.2k likes 5.3k retweets**

**| wanda** ✔️ _@scarletwitch_

AH MY SON FINALLY HAS TWITTER!!!

 **|| blintcarton ✔️** _@hawkeye_

 _@scarletwitch_ does this mean that I'm a grandpa now, cause I didn't sign up for this...

 **||| wanda ✔️** _@scarletwitch_

 _@hawkeye_...rude... on a completely unrelated note, _@scottlang_ be my new dad?

 **|||| ant-man ✔️** _@scottlang_

 _@scarletwitch_ sure why not

 **| memelord ✔️** _@princessshuri_

 _@spideyofficial_ yes it is

 **| iron man ✔️** _@tonystank_

I'M SORRY YoU gOt StAbBeD!!

 **|| spooderman ✔️** _@spideyofficial_

 _@tonystank_ i'm fine, it was yesterday, and i'm just overthinking the encounter so i can prep for next time😁

 **||| iron man ✔️** _@tonystank_

Forget me adopting you underoos...

 **|||| spooderman✔️** _@spideyofficial_

wait... you were thinking about adopting me? Mr. StArK, tHiS Is A jOkE rIgHt?!

 **natasha ✔️** _@blackwidow_

well, shit...

\---

 **im dying** _@spidermanfan_

was nobody going to tell me that THE spiderman got twitter, or was i just supposed to find out myself... i'm disowning y'all

**3.4k likes 2.9k retweets**

**spooderman ✔️** _@spideyofficial_

 _@spidermanfan_ yo man sorry bout that ps i love your user

 **im dying** _@spidermanfan_

 _@spideyofficial_ sir, i would die for you

 **spooderman ✔️** _@spideyofficial_

 _@spidermanfan_ then perish

 **gen z spidey?** _@killmenow_

HOLY CRAP IS SPIDER-MAN A GEN Z!?

\---

 **BuzzFeed News ✔️** _@BuzzFeedNews_

Is the superhero known as Spider-Man a Gen Z? And is Wanda Maximoff, or Scarlet Witch, the illegitimate daughter of Clint Barton, Hawkeye, and is she looking for Ant-Man, or Scott Lang, to adopt her? Find out here where we also talk about SPIDER-MAN GETTING TWITTER!

[Attached link to a BuzzFeed article titled "Spider-Man is a Gen Z? Wanda Maximoff is the daughter of WHICH AVENGER?"]

 **| wanda ✔️** _@scarletwitch_

um... _@BuzzFeedNews_ i think you've gone a bit too far this time... _@scottlang_ no offense but i'm fine just being a girl with two dads, i don't need three... plus, i don't feel like going thru two adoptions

|| **ant-man ✔️** _@scottlang_

 _@scarletwitch_ no offense taken, besides, adopting you would mean i would also have to adopt Sparky😂

||| **quicksilver ✔️** _@pietro_

 _@scottlang @scarletwitch_ excuse me, "Sparky" takes offense to that

|||| **BuzzFeedNews ✔️** _@BuzzFeedNews_

 _@scarletwitch @scottlang @pietro_ um... WTF just happened

* * *

_Private Chat, Avengers_

**12% Tony!**

we need to have a talk...

**IronLad is Better™**

NOPE! No one check their messages! They can't get us if we didn't know!!

_read at 12:52 am 08/08/2024_


	2. ew no brenda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> || scarletvision @kason  
> @shipper listen, Brenda, WANDA MAXIMOFF HERSELF finds "hawkwitch" disgusting! And just because you ship it doesn't mean that Wanda has to tell you why she finds it disgusting, plus both her and Clint have significant others that they are happy with! Just go over there or something and shhh!
> 
> ||| natasha @blackwidow  
> @kason damn, you went off but also like 👍@shipper, Wanda probably finds it disgusting because CLINT ADOPTED HER AND PIETRO AND THEY ARE LEGALLY HIS KIDS
> 
> |||| wanda @scarletwitch  
> @blackwidow @kason @shipper THIS ☝

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the entire book, can we pretend the Twitter has a character limit of 1,000? Thanks!

**vis ✔️** _@vision_

I figured I would bless all of you this morning... You're welcome.

[Attached video: Wanda has StarkPods in her ears and she is singing Into The Unknown from Frozen 2. Halfway through, Clint walks into the frame and yells "I love you" at Wanda.]

**3.4m likes 1.3m retweets**

**| wanda ✔️** _@scarletwitch_

 _@vision_ AHH VIS ❤ _@hawkeye_ I LOVE YOU TOO

 **| hawkwitch** _@shipper_

AHHH HAWKWITCH

 **|| scarletvision** _@kason_

 _@shipper_ listen, Brenda, WANDA MAXIMOFF HERSELF finds "hawkwitch" disgusting! And just because you ship it doesn't mean that Wanda has to tell you why she finds it disgusting, plus both her and Clint have significant others that they are happy with! Just go over there or something and shhh!

||| **natasha ✔️** _@blackwidow_

 _@kason_ damn, you went off but also like 👍 _@shipper_ , Wanda probably finds it disgusting because CLINT ADOPTED HER AND PIETRO AND THEY ARE LEGALLY HIS KIDS

|||| **wanda ✔️** _@scarletwitch_

 _@blackwidow @kason @shipper_ THIS ☝

||||| **blintcarton ✔️** _@hawkeye_

 _@scarletwitch_ rt

| **wanda ✔️** _@scarletwitch_

 _@shipper_ ewww disgustang!

|| **hawkwitch** _@shipper_

 _@scarletwitch_ why don't you like hawkwitch? You and Clint seem close? That's just baiting us hawkwitch shippers!

| **loser #1** _@yeeter_

#ewnobrenda

|| **spooderman ✔️** _@spideyofficial_

#ewnobrenda

||| **loser #2** _@guyinthechair_

#scarletvision #bartonfam #ewnobrenda

|||| **mj** _@goddess_

_#ewnobrenda_

_view more replies..._

\---

 **Thaddeus Ross ✔️** _@secretaryofstate_

The video that the "superhero" Vision posted earlier today of Wanda Maximoff singing and using her powers just further proves that she is a danger to society! As she sang the line, "Every day's a little harder as I feel my power grow," she manipulated reality. If this does not convince people that she is dangerous and a menace to society, what will? She has stated before in a "Q&A" that she is close to obtaining citizenship in the U.S. along with her brother, Pietro Maximoff or "Quicksilver". Last time I checked, the U.S. does not grant citizenship to weapons of mass destruction! And, who is to say that Vision is not just someone that Wanda created by manipulating reality! SPOILER ALERT! LAST TIME I CHECKED, HE WAS A ROBOT AND HE WAS DEAD!

**90 likes 1.2m retweets**

**| wanda ✔️** _@scarletwitch_

 _@secretaryofstate_ @ me next time! And why is superhero surrounded in quotations? Vis is as much of a superhero as the rest of us, and last time _I_ checked, Pietro and I were humans, not "weapons of mass destruction" and why the hell can you not accept that the infinity stones have the power to bring someone back from the dead as an enhanced human? It brought back Pietro, you asshole...

| **blintcarton ✔️** _@hawkeye_

 _@secretaryofstate_ THOSE ARE MY KIDS YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ROSS! FIGHT ME

|| **brent** _@troubletwins_

 _@hawkeye_ rt 

| **quicksilver ✔️** _@pietro_

 _@secretaryofstate_ THAT'S ME, MY SISTER, AND HER FORMER TOASTER OF A BOYFRIEND YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, SIR! I DON'T THINK BEING A PIECE OF SHIT MAKES THE PRESIDENT AND THE SENATE THINK ABOUT RE-ELECTING YOU! #opposesecretaryross

| **skye** _@quake_

Like the quickfleeted hero himself _@pietro_ I #opposesecretaryross

|| **the wasp ✔️** _@hopevandyne_

#opposesecretaryross

_view more replies..._

\---

**skye** _@quake_

can we just talk about how THE AVENGERS all replied to my response to _@pietro_ this might be one of the best days of my life

**2.3m likes 1.2m retweets**

**| natasha ✔️** _@blackwidow_

_@quake_ it's cause you're an amazing enhanced person and we all agree with you babes

|| **spooderman ✔️** _@spideyofficial_

 _@quake_ right up there with _@ironladofficial, @ririwilliams_ and Kid Arachnid, well on your way to being Spider-Man level famous! you deserve it my g! btw, #kidarachnidneedstwitter

||| **skye** _@quake_

hello, yes, 911 I need an ambulance, I think my heart stopped beating and I don't think I can breath anymore! (#kidarachindneedstwitter)

|||| **scarletvision** _@kason_

I C O N I C #kidarachnidneedstwitter #twitterverifyquake

_view more replies..._

_\---_

**Trending**

  1. **#opposesecretaryross**
  2. **#kidarachnidneedstwitter**
  3. **#twitterverifyquake**
  4. **#scarletvision**
  5. **#ewnobrenda**




	3. soft (yet dirty) babies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wanda @scarletwitch  
> I've come to the conclusion that forgive me father, for I have sinned and I'm sorry daddy, I've been naughty are basically the same thing... in other words, I'm having a mental breakdown
> 
> | natasha @blackwidow  
> [Off-key kazoo playing the tune of Final Countdown] IT'S A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

**wanda✔** _@scarletwitch_  
I've come to the conclusion that forgive me father, for I have sinned and I'm sorry daddy, I've been naughty are basically the same thing... in other words, I'm having a mental breakdown

**9.3k likes 3.4k retweets**

**| natasha✔** _@blackwidow_   
_[Off-key kazoo playing the tune of Final Countdown]_ IT'S A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!

|| **"rat-child"** _@yelenabelova_

_@blackwidow_ this... This is why I don't come and visit you in the states... also _@scarletwitch_ you're not wrong...

||| **wanda✔** _@scarletwitch_

_@yelenabelova @blackwidow_ oh.. I thought it was because she always calls you a rat-child

|||| **"rat-child"** _@yelenabelova_

_@scarletwitch_ that too

\---

**natasha stan first, human second** _@rat-child_

WhO iS yElEnA bElOvA? Do I nEeD tO sTaN hEr NoW!?

**2.3k likes 3.4k retweets**

| **"rat-child"** _@yelenabelova_

_@rat-child_ yes, my child, you need to stan... worship me as your god =-)

|| **natasha✔** _@blackwidow_

_@yelenabelova_ this is why I'm mom's favorite...rat-child...

||| **"rat-child"** _@yelenabelova_

_@blackwidow_ no your not! I'll ask Melina! _@vostokoff_ WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILD? (no need to tell me it's me, I already know...)

|||| **melina** _@vostokoff_

_@blackwidow @yelenabelova_ Natasha is my favorite. Why would it be you? You tried to steal money from me and the bank when we played Monopoly the last time Natasha visited. The only reason I can think of is Natasha slouches and you don't.

||||| **yelena belova stan** _@rat-child_

am i the only confused one?

|||||| **"rat-child"** _@yelenabelova_

_@rat-child_ no, my child... yes, i am your mom and god now, i accept offerings in the form of skittles and yorsh...

||||||| **yelena belova stan** _@rat-child_

_@yelenabelova_ what's yorsh mother

|||||||| **"rat-child"** _@yelenabelova_

_@rat-child_ it's a mix of beer and vodka

_view more replies..._

_\---_

**Buzzfeed News✔** _@BuzzFeedNews_

Everything you NEED to know about Yelena Belova! She's related to WHICH AVENGER?

[Attached Link: Everything You NEED to Know About Yelena Belova! She Is RELATED to WHICH AVENGER?!]

| **"rat-child"✔** _@yelenabelova_

_@yelenabelova_ cool article...i guess?

|| **kid arachnid is the best** _@milesmorales_

_@yelenabelova_ lol

||| **"rat-child"✔** _@yelenabelova_

_@milesmorales_ have we met before?

|||| **kid arachnid is the best** _@milesmorales_

_@yelenabelova_ no i wish

* * *

_Unknown Number_

Hey, Kid Arachnid

_1-(917)-836-9274_

Who is this?

_Unknown Number_

Yelena

Belova

Sorry, should have specified who I am

_Kid Arachnid_

Oh, okay?

How'd you get my number?

_Yelena Belova_

Parker.

_Kid Arachnid_

Ah.

_Yelena Belova_

Your name is Miles, isn't it?

_Miles Morales_

Wait.. Hold up.

I accepted that you were Yelena wayyy too quickly. Send pic with a spoon so I know it's you.

_Yelena Belova_

A spoon? What made you come up with a spoon? 

_Miles Morales_

Just gifted like that😁

_Yelena Belova_

All the spoons are dirty, can I use a fork instead?

_Miles Morales_

Yeah

_Yelena Belova_

[A picture of Yelena Belova, wearing Black Widow pajamas, standing in front of her kitchen sink, a window behind it showing off a beautiful building in Moscow, brandishing a fork in her hand.]

Satisfied, ditya?

_Miles Morales_

Yeah. My name's Miles.

What's ditya mean? And why are you wearing Black Widow PJs?

_Yelena_

Gotta rep Natasha somehow, right?

_Miles_

I guess...

_Yelena_

You should make a Kid Arachnid twitter.

_Miles_

Okay😁😉

_Yelena_

Miles

What are you about to do?

Miles

Miles

_read 1:37 am_


	4. yelena belova is a dork, pass it on

**yelena, certified dork** _@kidarachnidofficial_

she's a dork, pass it on _@yelenabelova_

[Attached picture: Yelena Belova, wearing Black Widow pajamas, is standing in front of her kitchen sink, a window behind it is showing off a beautiful building in Moscow. Yelena is brandishing a fork in her left hand.]

**63k likes 9.6k retweets**

**| "rat-child"✔** _@yelenabelova_

 _@kidarachnidofficial_ Thanks, ditya. BTW, change your name, I'm an uncertified dork

 **|| natasha🗸** _@blackwidow_

 _@yelenabelova_ are you wearing black widow pajamas?

 **||| "rat-child"🗸** _@yelenabelova_

 _@blackwidow_...no? maybe?

 **|||| JKR is a terf** _@potterhead_

 _@yelenabelova_ OMG I recognize that building! You live in Moscow too?

 **||||| "rat-child"🗸** _@yelenabelova_

 _@potterhead_ yeah, love your name and user

_view more replies..._

_\---_

**yelena, certified dork🗸** _@kidarachnidofficial_

I posted once and I'm verified now... honestly I C O N I C

**1m likes 11.4k retweets**

_view all replies..._

_\---_

**BuzzFeed News🗸** _@BuzzFeedNews_

Are Yelena Belova and Kid Arachnid dating? Spider-Man had WHAT to say? Is he jealous? Read about it below!

[Attached Link: Are Yelena Belova and Kid Arachnid dating? Spider-Man had WHAT to say? Is he jealous?]

 **| spooderman🗸** _@spideyofficial_

 _@BuzzFeedNews_ both Kid Arachnid and I are minors. Neither of us is dating Yelena, and I have a girlfriend.

_View more replies..._

**Trending**

  1. **#genzkidarachnid**
  2. **#genzspiderman**
  3. **#yelenabelova**
  4. **#scarletvision**
  5. **#opposesecretaryross**




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